Fourth Post-9/23/12

As of right now I'm alone. I'm going to live with the pain because at this moment it's the only thing I can feel. Being sad will help me show the world that I don't want their help. I only want to be left alone with me, myself, and I. Sad and miserable.

Third Post-9/23/12

They tell me "focus on you." So how am I suppose to do that when I seem to be getting in everyone else's drama? I care for others way too much. I just feel like for a couple days people really cared because they could see the cuts on my arms, but now they've turned into scars, and I'm still not healed.

My mom was one of my biggest supporters in healing but today we just kept fighting about everything, and that really brought me down. I found out today that my recent love has betrayed me a little more than I realized so that hurts pretty bad too. I lost one of my best friends 4 days ago. I'm turning into a monster.

Second Post- 9/19/12

I knew this would happen. As soon as things start looking up, they just go right back down. I know it's going to take a while but I didn't prepare myself for hard days. I seem to always do that. I'm also trying to show that I'm not crying, but I really should let this out. I'm working on things and it just seems to be getting harder. I need a relief, and I know it can't be what I've done before.

First Post- 9/18/12

I've been caught. My closest, deepest secret has been revealed to everyone. I feel vulnerable and scared. I know this is just the start, and it's only going to lead to success for me, and my future. But it still scares me. I love having the support around me, but it's almost making me feel like what I've been doing is a little more serious than I thought. I never knew that something like this could effect the one's around me.

I did something today, that I thought I would never do. I told my best friend exactly how I felt, even when I swore I would keep it to myself.... forever. Everyone took my hurtful words with a grain of salt and pushed aside their opinions and focused on me. I never thought in a million years this day would come.

I've been suffering inside, what seems to be my whole life. When I look back at my childhood though, it just didn't seem all that bad. Was I oblivious, or was it really okay? I realize recovering is going to take a while, but I'm willing to take whatever steps I need to, to be happy again.